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Frempo Family History
Where it all began In 1666, the Great Fire Of London occurred. A politician and Navy Administrator, Samuel Pepys decided to bury his Parmesan cheese and his wine in his garden so that it would survive the fires. What the history books didn't ''say, was that when he retrieved his beloved cheese, a small part of it had broken off. This fromage fragment somehow found it's way into a grave near Pepys' home and through the magic of biology, it merged with the DNA of the corpse. For the next week, people claimed to have seen a piece of cheese with limbs, a face and a pair of snazzy sunglasses wandering the streets of ol' London Town. This majestic creature was Fromage Frempo. '''Late 1600s and 1700s' After the birth of Fromage Frempo, not much is known of his antics, other than one woman who sent a story in to a tabloid magazine stating that she had 'fornicated with a surprisingly concupiscent piece of Parmesan cheese.' When asked the expected questions such as 'how', 'why' and 'are you alright?' she simply stated that she 'does not exactly understand how or why' and 'Yes, I am alright, you impertinent bastard'. The next known Frempo was Egg Frempo, born in 1699, alas he died in 1701 after falling down a staircase and cracking. You may be thinking that if Egg died then how did the Frempo legacy live on? Well, shut up and carry on reading. When Egg Frempo tragically cracked, he fell from the hands of his next potential lover - who was also falling down the aforementioned staircase - fated to immediately die from blunt force trauma. Once again by the magic of biology, the albumen of Egg mixed with the DNA of the human and birthed the famous Butter Frempo. Butter had a difficult life, as it was crucial that he wore a special thermal jacket so he didn't instantly melt in the hot climate of London. Wait that can't be right... Butter Frempo was the first Frempo to make himself known around London, with newspapers reporting on him, influential people talking about him, and even King William III himself once wrote about him in his diary. Sadly, in 1713, Butter forgot his jacket and melted into a sad pool on the streets, and mixed with the other yellow puddles in the murky gutters of London. It is unknown exactly how, but 3 years later in 1716, there was the first sighting of the infamous Potato Frempo. Why was he infamous? Perhaps it was the 21 people he mercilessly slaughtered throughout the city of Oxford. From 1716-1739, Potato Frempo was witnessed several times ominously wandering the streets of Oxford with some sort of kitchen utensil. Potato Frempo was found in 1743, as he was about to impale an elderly woman with a whisk. Don't ask how. The police were understandably confused, but they still arrested Potato. He was found in his cell seven months later, a rotten pile of starchy mush. No Frempos are recorded in the history books from 1744 until 1792, when a single Frempo was seen in York, England. The people of York reported seeing an entire loaf of bread walking around the city; even in York Minster itself. This was Bread Frempo. Meanwhile, in Florence, Italy, a lump of mozzarella was seen roaming the streets, then it was seen 4 years later in Venice. However, Venice at this time was being invaded by the French, and Mozzarella Frempo was squashed underneath the foot of a French soldier. Nobody knows how the Frempo family arrived in Italy, but not a single Frempo has been seen there since. 1800s and 1900s Not much Frempo-related stuff happened in the 19th century, other than the very well-known Apricot Frempo, born in 1848. He lived in London, like most of the past Frempos; but something was different about him. He was humanoid. Not just did he have limbs and a human face, but he had the anatomy of a human, the bone structure and he had a lot of human characteristics. Heck, he even had hair! One of the only things he had different to a human was his skin, which was the colour and texture of an apricot's. This was a huge jump in the evolution of the Frempos, and without it, Krempo Frempo would be a mute piece of broccoli with tiny limbs. You couldn't make that ''in The Sims now, could you? Apricot Frempo also lived for 78 years, which is an awful lot longer than any other Frempo. He made his fame as a architect, and a builder, his creations include the 'Fremple Temple' and the Frempo Family Manor. He married 7 times in his life, and had 11 children. Unfortunately, only one of these children survived, as Apricot 10 of the children tragically passed away on a private cruise in the Mediterranean Sea in 1926. Luckily, however the eleventh child had a cold and so she couldn't come on the trip. That child was Kidney Frempo (a kidney bean, not a kidney), and Kidney was Krempo Frempo's wonderful Nanpo. After she was past the grief, she went on holiday in 1940 to Cyrodiil, in Tamriel, where she soon met her distant cousin, Bean Frempo. They quickly became a couple, got married and had two children in 1947, Corn Frempo and Hempo Frempo. Corn sadly died of a strange disease at the age of 7, but Hempo lived a successful life. He lived in Goodsprings, Nevada for a while, but he spent two years in a coma, where he dreamt of a post-nuclear version of Nevada. During this coma he gave birth to the beauty that is Krempo Frempo. '''Today' In 2018, Krempo Frempo got married for the first time, to Nancy Landgraab. Nancy died soon after, from 5 rocket crashes and an electric shock. Before she died, however, she gave birth to Hot Dog Frempo. This pattern repeated itself an innumerable amount of times, giving Krempo a family tree wider than the Pacific Ocean and a kill-count higher than Hempo in a sauna. In the 2000s, the Frempo family spread to the continent of Asia, specifically to Tokyo, Japan. On the 15th of April 2009, an investigation was launched on several reported sightings of an entire head of cabbage with limbs, a head, a face and a snazzy pair of sunglasses. The investigation proved useless though, as everybody who reported this walking cabbage was admitted to a mental hospital two weeks later, and it was promptly dropped. When Krempo heard of this, he decided to look into it himself, and discovered that this cabbage was from a completely unknown branch of the Frempo family, that split from the main branch somewhere around 1790. Apparently, they never evolved to be like Krempo, and somehow found their way to Asia at some point in the 1800s.